I like to journal. There are times I journal every day, and other times when a week or more goes by in between. During those "in between" times, I enjoy flipping back through the past months looking at what was on my mind, what I was praying about, what was significant at that particular time.
This morning I had a rare opportunity of extended quiet time. The rest of the house was sleeping in, and I was able to sit on the couch, tucked cozy in my little corner with my warm cup of coffee and my journal.
I thought about writing, but instead felt compelled to look back to see what had been on my mind a year ago. I came upon a series of questions I'd been given to reflect on and answer about Gary and the kids. I don't recall exactly what the instructions were, but it was something like pray and ask God to show you how He sees your spouse and kids.
I have to admit, I went into it wondering if I'd hear anything.
Well, it was more than I could imagine. I couldn't write the words down fast enough in my journal; it was as if my pencil had a mind of its own. And the words came out as if God was speaking directly to my heart:
For Gary..."He is strong. He loves deeply because I love him deeply. He is more than a conqueror. Allow him to protect you. Honor and respect him. Encourage him. Be intentional about loving him. Make him feel like he's number one on this earth. Don't give him the leftovers after the kids and everyone else at the end of the day. Make and take time for each other. Unplug. Simple things like taking walks together and conversations. Admire each other and what you have. Seek Me together. You are more powerful for Me working together rather than separately."
For Noelle..."She is a beautiful creation: sensitive, observant, trusting, tenderhearted, wonderfully dynamic, smart, thoughtful, and desperate for your time. She is observing and learning every second. Treat her with care- words mean a lot to her. Harshness does not work with her. She has leadership with heart, compassion with an edge. Keep her strong and spiritually fit. Don't shut her down- be open, talk. She is experiencing emotions beyond her years. Invest in her now- she will bear much fruit and influence many."
For Matthew..."He is all heart, full of love...a giant. Favor is on him. He knows Me already. Feed his wonder."
These words still pierce my heart every time I read them. I'm so thankful for these insights. I could never come up with this stuff on my own, nor find it in a book on parenting. It's one-of-a-kind, completely tailored to who Gary and my kids are.
I'm also disappointed in myself for the many times I fall short of heeding the wise counsel I've been given...when I'm unnecessarily harsh on Noelle, when I hurry Matthew along or get annoyed at his constant questioning, when I choose a mindless TV show over spending time with Gary.
It's a good reminder to me that I can't do this marriage and parenting thing on my own. And it's a timely reminder, as I adjust to being home with the kids this summer.
I don't think my extended quiet time this morning was a coincidence...it was just what I needed.
